Dear "Fred Elizabeth Taylor" the Cat
Okay maybe your name isn't Fred Elizabeth Taylor but the moment you came into my life it was about 4 am, I was wasted off my ass (obvi), sitting outside with my roommmate discussing the questionableness of the random med student that I brought home from the bars. So you brought this name on yourself.
I don't know where you got your manners but the first day we met you decided to run at full speed into my apartment and felt no shame to investigate every nook and cranny. I have to admit, initially it was pretty amusing, especially after I wasted an entire can of tuna on you... But today, dear cat, was the 4th time you came over uninvited. I almost died this morning when I felt a furry creature rubbing up against my leg before I had my coffee. Subsequently, you seem to be making yourself more and more at home, today you stuck your butt in my face, sat in front of the TV and felt up my roommate.
I have no idea where you came from, who you belong to or what you get into when you go missing in my apartment for moments at a time.
If my room spells like cat pee I might kill you.