dear 'zilla,

please consider for one minute that perhaps dressing your bridal party in a gown that makes me look like a wayward member of the three musketeers is not the most flattering solution. I'm over the fact that I will never wear this $400 dress again, but skin-tight-chiffon, REALLY?? I realize that I am not the picture of physical perfection like the rest of the maids, so for the sake of your own wedding pics put me in an A-line dress and call it a day.

Not even Spanx can help me now,
C