Dear Super Duper Vitamin C Zinc Energy Wellness Juice Concoction,

I just chugged you and now I feel slightly ill from all the vitamins. I think maybe my stomach is confused, as it is accustomed to toxins in the form of alcohol / drugs, and not actual nutrients. But here's the thing -- you are supposed to make me BETTER, not mildly to moderately nauseous. How can I continue to go out five nights in a row and imbibe the aforementioned toxins if I am sniveling/puking in bed with my teddy bear?! Sack up, Magical Drink of Health. Just because I sit around all day not doing my job doesn't mean you can do the same. I paid good money for you, damnit, and I want to go out dancing!

Practicing My Twirls,

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