Dear Ryan the Tech Guy,
I'm really sorry that I continue to be such an unhelpful moron towards you every time you come in to the office. I can actually be really smart and witty, but for some reason I seem to lose significant brain function every time you attempt to talk to me. I think it's because you have one of the hottest little butts I have ever seen.
Please consider wearing tighter pants, even though it may cause me to have a stroke,