Dear Broken Heart,
Please heal yourself. You shouldn't even be hurting us because you shouldn't have fallen for a completely unavailable guy to begin with. I mean, you can't lose something you never had, right? But a week and a half ago you showed up when we finally found the cojones to break up with the b/f for treating us like we didn't exist, and now you're back in triplicate, like forms to the IRS and just as painful, because you were forced to realize that Work Crush, aka Work Hookup, aka The Ideal, Unfortunately Attached, Man, wasn't gonna choose you. Seriously, sack up and move on, because you were a fool to ever think anything could happen. So what if his values and yours are the same? So what if you look cute together? So what if you have more fun with him than any guy you've ever dated? He wasn't dating you, he was using you. Your expense at my gain, but now we're both in the pits, and I can't get better if you don't.
I'll meet you at 7 over lots of beer,