Dear Coworker #1,

Are boys really allowed to cockblock? Because I swear cockblocking is an activity restricted to the lone fat, fug girl friend, and you TOTALLY cockblocked me last night. When I asked you for your super attractive roommate's phone number (the one from last weekend) when you decided to blow off me and my girl because you were "tired" (pussy), you should have had the common decency to give it to me instead of telling me to "get it from him, that's pretty fucked up". 1. No, it isn't but 2. you made me really happy by getting jealous like that... how cute.

And you know what's even better? I facebooked him my number after you acted like a 6 year-old and he called me and left me a cute voicemail while you were sleeping off your jealous rage.

Go chase someone else's vag,
-c