Dear Dave Eggers,

I don't care if my celebrity crushes actually highlight my true English major-nerdiness; I want to bone you so bad. Not only are you attractive AND a talented writer (rare) you seem like an actual good person. You raised your seven year old brother and now you start charities and help child soldiers in Africa! That is hot. It makes me want to do dirty things to you.

Do something about your hair though…

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