Dear Mystery Bruise That's So Painful I Couldn't Sleep on That Side Last Night:

Wow. I like that you came w/ friends, mainly top of knee bruise and pubic bone bruise. Are you all from when I tried to pole dance at the gay bar and ended up in a gay melee? Maybe I fell when I showed all the pretty little gay boys my teeny tiny panties?

Whatev--You Hurt Me and That's Why I Like You,
b