Dear Self Control,
Where the hell did you go? You were a constant participant in my life last year (admittedly causing me to be one of the most boring people on the face of the earth) but at the beginning of this year you found somewhere better to hang out and quite frankly, I'm a little offended and more than a little screwed... literally. Without your voice of reason inside the anarchy that is my brain, I've gone from slightly desperate virgin to company mistress with a side of 20-year-old music major in just under two months.
Senior year is a bad time to be deserted by one of your most loyal companions. How will I ever finish my college applications instead of getting really drunk every weekend and making bad decisions involving coworkers if you don't come back? I'm sorry I made fun of your conservative tendencies and I hope we can work out a compromise.
Kind of enjoying myself a lot, though...