I like this one. So true. :)

Dear Text Messaging:

I love you dearly, which is why I have an unlimited amount of you. However, I do not enjoy the following things:

1. Textual Frustration, aka, when people don't text back immediately (or at all, if you are my crush)

2. Sent Items Log - there's really no need to keep a record of the ridiculous shit I send to objects of affection slash psychosis while binge-drinking. (actually, if you could have some kind of alcohol sensor to keep me from sending those at all that'd be fine, too.)

3. SMS memory full message - just have more memory already b/c I'm NOT deleting the ones from when I got arrested for not paying that cabbie his $5 fare (there are like 3 marriage proposals on there and I might need to cash those in someday)

4. Predictive Text that spells words like "Ashley" and "bitch." I mean, really. B/c Ashlex and citag ARE words?!?!? WTF is that.

Okay, that's really it. Otherwise, I'm pretty happy with you b/c you make it possible for me to never ever talk to anyone on the phone ever. And to also talk about people when they are sitting right next to me and laugh inside at how I am making fun of them and they don't even know.

Cool,
b