Dear Bubba-esque White Guy in the Hunting-Cammo Meshback at the Table Next to Me at Brunch with the Fat, Plain and Shy Asian wife and Her Family that Hates You:

Your in-laws were brutal and you took it like a champ to make your wife happy. How did you manage to be cheerful and chatty the whole time? I’m in awe.

If you move into my neighborhood can we BBQ together?
-T

p.s. I’m sorry I laughed when you offered to go fishing for your pregnant sister-in-law because “fish makes it smart.” (I’m guessing you meant the unborn kid?) I just couldn’t help it.