Dear Guy Who Lives Upstairs,

We don't know each other, but it is not acceptable that you're fucking stomping around up there like a herd of elephants. Are you particularly fat and so your footsteps cause tremors, like a PSA to those that live around you that we live in Earthquake Country and should always be prepared? Or are you just an asshole who goes tromping around up there like a dick? I'm not sure which option I prefer, frankly, but you woke me up at 1:30 in the morning, and this is Not Okay. Considering you also woke me up when I was drifting off to sleep two hours ago, AND THERE YOU GO AGAIN, with a side of slamming drawers and shit, we might have issues. Don't make me come up there.

Tired and hateful,
R

PS I hear you coughing slash maybe being sick up there. If you have the death flu and you give it to me and/or spend all week running to the toilet to vom, I'm gonna go insane. And nobody likes a crazy lady.