Dear John the Marine,

For a long time now we have questioned your sexuality, yet you don't seem to understand why.

Insisting that my boyfriend kisses you between the glass door is borderline homosexual, swallowing hot dogs whole and repeatedly declaring how much you like dong is homosexual, and wearing a bra home from the bar is down right flamboyant.

Maybe next time you should pack more than your hair gel, hairspray and blow dryer.

Who are you fooling?
N

P.S. Have you seen that blue shirt you wore home under your bra last night? Probably not, considering its ashes are spread all over West End.