Dear Pretentious Parents,

What the f*ck makes you think I was planning on buying your new offspring a present?? Posting on your blog that "we are not going to be accepting any more toys for the baby that are made in China" is not only ridiculous, it is ungrateful and rude. That's cool that you went all "safety patrol" once you birthed a child, but telling people ahead of time that you won't be accepting their future, hypothetical gifts is just batsh*t crazytown. Why do people's brain turn to mush once they reproduce?

Your drawer locks with the imprint of China are in mail,
L