Dear Single American Men:

WTF?! No, seriously, what the hell is up with you? I’m afraid for my country’s man dom.

After my defense of the un-pretty man with the bangin’ hottie yesterday I got to thinking… 'A' not only validated the right of my mediocre self to be with my sweetie, she declared that my statement may…or may not…be crush-worthy.

Okay, so while my ego is still above reco’d PSI, I’m not so praise-drunk to miss the fact that my soliloquy should NOT have registered on anybody’s, let alone 'A'’s, game-meter unless something is seriously wrong. That it did is evidence that something’s truly rotten in the States United. I puzzled on it and finally figured it out: You dudes out there playing the field today have no game! Zero. Nada.

And it’s not just 'A' who complains here about super-lameness from you guys in pickup attempts and relationships: It’s many, many, many of the whyamisopretty correspondents! What is wrong with you guys?! These are literate and irony appreciating self-proclaimed honeys! News flash fellas! Intelligent women do not mistakenly believe they are attractive…

(…well…except at Ivy League schools…those chicks have serious delusions of their bangin’ grandeur.)

…but in general, if she’s not stupid and says she’s hot, she is. Get out there and satisfy AT LEAST the smart bunnies among us.

Goddammitall! This site is a warning bell to you panzies! I only want to read this site for some work-wasting schadenfreude! It’s not my job to fret about the future of America’s singles scene! Get your shit together and start spinning charm at our hotties before they swear you off and start dating Canadians or each other!

Alarmed and fearful,
-T

p.s. I'm really serious about this, guys. You are truly falling down on the job.