Dear 5k More A Year,

You are tempting, indeed. But I just don't know if I'm ready to embark on a career path. I'm only twenty two for god's sake and how the fuck am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life?! I was so happy in my little bullshit job where I could read Dear Life all day and have everyone love me for just for being pretty and perky and vaguely familiar with the phrase 'scan to PDF'. Then you come along and tempt me into a world of leasing assumptions and stacking/blocking plans and WTF does that even mean?!?! I don't want to be a part of that world. But here's the thing - I NEED you, 5k. I enjoy things like not starving to death, and not having to choose between alcohol and shoes (can we say Sophie's Choice?), and not having to search under my bed and in all my purses to find enough quarters to buy my Camel Lights, because that's just really really pathetic. So, 5k More A Year, I wish you would stop taunting me. I didn't even bring a resume with me to my interview! Why would they offer me you on a silver platter with opportunities for bonuses and more promotions?! IT MAKES NO SENSE. Now what am I supposed to do?

I'd Flip A Quarter, But I Spent Them All On Cigs,

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