Dear Hot Guy Giving Me The Eye At Agave Last Night,
When I walked up to talk to you, it was the worst mistake of my life. If I could have predicted that you have a significantly lower IQ than I do, I would have just left it at the eyefucking and continued on my merry way.
P.S. It was painful coming up with an excuse as to why I wouldn't sit down with you and hang out, but I couldn't take that neanderthal southern drawl any longer.
SIDENOTE: Traces of a southern accents are hellza cute. Some may say I have one as well. But, being downright marblemouthed makes you sound like you think the inventor of the wheel was a genius. And the next time I hear someone say something like "I seen somebody over there", I'm going to stop them in their tracks and give them a good grammar lesson.