Dear Neighbor (part eleventy billion):
I understand you were drunk when you texted me to get a drink on Friday.
Newsflash: No, I WAS NOT drunk when I texted you after that to lose my phone number and told you I'd do the same with yours. Yes, I DID mean it.
You are a total douchebag bipolar weird-o (I mean, you're super cute and have a nice peen, but whatev) and I don't have time for it. When I saw you yesterday leaving our Metro stop and you tried to talk to me about said text, I'm glad you got the hint. I am 30 f*cking years old and I know what I want and it's NOT someone who is impossible to read. If you feel awkward b/c we got naked, that's really not my problem. It's not like I asked you for a relationship and it's not like we don't get along, so if you wanna be all whatever-y, suck it.
And btw, I'm totally turning the tables and gonna be all nice and friendly now that I told you to piss off. I hope you find this kind of behavior as completely weird and un-understandable as I have. I can't even care that you'll think I'm crazy.
jesus, but I'm over it,
PS Okay, honestly, it kinda sucks we aren't gonna be friends b/c I think we have similar mental problems and we could cut a MAJOR swath thru DC w/ our combined crazy. C'est la vie, no?