Dear Hot Vengeful Women Angry with your Boyfriends:

I heart you SO much. You use sex and hotness as a WMD. When you decide to cheat on your perfect, square-jawed J. Crew model men with somebody successful but fug, just to turn the knife that bit more (to eleven), you make my day. And when you pick my non-hottie self as the instrument of revenge you make an excellent choice. I am doing well enough AND un-pretty enough to give your man’s bloated ego that double-whammy pounding that we both need and love so much.

So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for letting me tap the otherwise unattainable you with little effort, AND giving me reason to smile smugly at every Mr. Perfect, never-worked-for it, dumbass prettyboy for weeks following.

Never, ever change,

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