Dear Guy I Used To Work With,
Please just stop with the text messaging already. It is obviously not working since I never reply, and it is frustratingly passive-aggressive. You went to all that trouble to get my number from someone (not me). So if you want to hang out with me, at least be man enough to call (sorry, I still would not answer). Your personality is even less appealing than your short stature and muffin-top hairdo. And you are no match for my quick wit, hot face and bangin' bod.
Also, never ever text me at 7:45 am to say "happy thanksgiving!" I was sleeping, and so was my boyfriend.
I'm thankful you don't know where I live,