Dear Tree Outside of my Living Room Window,
I really wish that you'd stop impersonating a creepy person looking into my curtainless window. You scare the bejeezus out of me EVERYTIME i walk past said window. You are really pretty to look at during the daytime with your golden and red leaves but I'm totally gonna sick Chairman Meow (my cat) on your twiggy ass.
With No Affection At Nighttime,
also: Heatless Apartment? Go fuck yourself.