Dear Being Sober Thanksgiving Eve

AND

Dear Having to Wake Up at 5am to Catch a Flight to Texas/Turkey:

You guys are the worst shit ever. I hate y'all and everyone so much for the fact that I am sitting here trying to pack for a frigging week of rando weather when everyone else I know is getting all crunked and thinking how happy they are that they can drink tomorrow and put that hangover off another day and generally not worrying about whether 1.5 hours is enough time to clear security/check a bag/get to the right gate. I might make myself a vodka just to spite y'all. If only Southwest didn't suck so badly, I'd already have my free drink coupons in hand and could put off MY hangover tomorrow, too.

F*ck all y'all, I'm going to Texas,
b

PS You know what? I'm gonna have like 54382 vodkas ANYWAY. And THAT'LL really show the both of you. PPPBBBTTT!!!!!