Dear Boy From Home Who Won't Stop Calling Me (how did you even get my number anyway?),

So I happened to stumble upon your myspace page today and found some very disturbing posts on your wall from 15 and 16 year old girls. You are 32! That is just wrong, not to mention illegal. I've always wondered why you continue to call me and profess your love even though I live 2000 miles away, and have made it completely obvious that I have no interest...at all!

Definately not answering your calls/texts anymore,
K