Dear Dallas,

Please try to be fun when I am there. I know you are full of married-with-childrens, and pretty much everyone I know is preggers or breastfeeding. But it doesn't mean you have to be a complete buzzkill. I still want to like you and plan on continuing my visits regardless. I would just like said visits to be as painless as possible.

So buy a poor girl from New York City a few cheap drinks and remind me of the glory that once was...

See you soon,
Blondie