Dear November,

I have dubbed you "No"vember for a reason, a reason that has become abundantly clear after I watched possibly the most wonderful guy I have met (who is my age and not engaged) stumble home with his horrible girlfriend. Like honestly, I don't mean she's horrible because she's his girlfriend; independent of that fact, she is HEINOUS. Unspeakably, violently horrible. And not cute. What. are. you. doing. You are so cute that all of my friends have to actively restrain themselves when you are around. "No"vember is an amazing idea, in concept, but it has never been more convincing than when I watch you stagger home with that fuggo. It's "No"vember from here on out to everyone in college.

Yeah, that's right,

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