Dear Universe,

Do you think you could please make Condescending, Arrogant Co-Worker less attractive? Not just to me, but to every one else? Because you know, if I can't have him, I don't think anyone else should either. And while you are at it, could you please see that he gains weight, like 15-20 pounds, and his girlfriend (no longer referred to as Dingbat seeing as how she is just plain Trashy) breaks up with him? Oh, another thing, could you please make me exponentially sexier? That would be just fantastic, and I would be eternally grateful.

Hoping the tables will turn,
Lx.