Dear Spam Email that Gets Sent to Me Hourly,

I'm confused as to why you feel the need to infiltrate my inbox with such frequency. i'm also curious about the kinky porn and FREE VIAGRAAAAA you offer. one question, though: how does "poor lost mangy mongrels" as the subject of your note have anything even remotely to do with "gettting the penis you've always wanted"?

Thanks for listening.

Love,
Laura Harrison