Dear Females (and Males who should feel so inclined),

It's the middle of the summer and I cannot hold this in any longer. When it comes to the choices you make about the nail polish you slather onto your toenails, I must tell you that you only have limited options. None of these options include any shade of yellow, obscenely giant glitter flakes, or anything so metallic that it is blinding when it collides with the sun. Also, unless you work with only small children and never have any adult contact, harsh neon hues are unacceptable.

For the record you may chose from the following: shades of red, clear, au natural (as long as your feet are pretty), or a spectrum of pink lacquer. Notice the period at the end of that sentence. Making smart polish decisions is essential if you wish to have others take you seriously.

Once winter hits and your toes are hibernating, by all means paint away with whatever color you desire. Just please keep your yellow, brown, metallic blue, green, or neon digits so that I can't see them.

You'll thank me for this later,

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