Dear Slightly Balding 40-Something Coworker,

You are too short for my tastes and your hair is kinda thinning. However, you are arrogant, cocky, and -let's be real- rich. All of the above really turn me on. When you walked out of the office the other night in your all-spandex biking home outfit, I almost creamed my pants. If you were married then I'd REALLY want to bone you.

Yes I WAS Checking Out Your Hot Ass,
Me