Dear Last Night's Date,

Sorry for the following things:

Bringing my raging alcoholic friend with me to the charity event you invited me to, who then went on to offend everyone in the room by calling your female coworkers "dykes."

Making you pay for the blow.

Lezing out with my friend in front of you.

Spending half an hour in the ladies room doing drugs.

Making you buy me and my friend dinner even though we couldn't eat any of it.

Call me?

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