Dear Demon Possessed Water Heater,
Thank you for waiting until I was home to begin protruding smoke seconds before you burst into flames. How convenient that the clock struck midnight, making it my birthday, when you leaked out a nauseating sent of burnt metal and plastic. Granted the Nashville Fire Department did wish me merry birthday wishes as they put out the raging flames in a timely manner. Also, the Fire Marshal was kind enough to come knocking on my door at 8 am, but next year lets keep the flames on the cake that I didn't get to have this year, instead of in my closet.
Wish I Had Marshmallows,