Dear People Who Keep Going Back To Their Shitty Exes,

I'm tired of watching my friends get dragged through hell and high waters because of someone lame, manipulative, deceitful, and/or crazy. In case you forgot, there are people out there who don't do ANY of the following shitty things:

* Call you names even Comedy Central doesn't allow AFTER midnight
* Lie pathologically
* Give you 'the clap'
* Bang your friends
* Suck the life out of you
* Ask you not to call the house when their wife/husband is home
* "Accidentally" forget to take her birth control 5 days in a row
* Threaten suicide if you break up with them
* Give you a curfew
* End up crying every time they drink around you
* Deny any interest in anyone else...cut to you finding recently tagged facebook pictures of him meeting the parents of a girl that looks just like you with the album title "My Amazing BF Meets My Fam <3"
* Break every electronic device you own after you swear you weren't flirting with the cashier at the convenience store
* Conference call you together with your mother the hour after you break up with them for the 82nd time
* Have no problem sleeping with you, but to think dating you is taking it 'too fast'
* Coincidentally show up everywhere you go that has the potential of being somewhere anyone of the opposite sex may be

The other fish in the sea may not know your favorite color yet, but they probably won't make you want to kill yourself either. It's called onward and upward, bitches. Mediocrity is for unhappy people.

Staying With A Psycho Makes Your Friends Think You're The Psycho,

"DON'T DRINK YOUR DIRTY BATHWATER" - Russian Prostitute (courtesy of Jessica)

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