Dear Friend,

It was fabulous to talk to you today. I'm sorry to hear that you will be having surgery this week because you too are having vag issues. Apparently you have an ovarian cyst. That really blows. What blows the worst is that I just personally researched your condition further via the Internet. What I found was shocking. Turns out there may be teeth, hair, and bones in that little effer. Truth be told, I have no idea what's going on with downtown, but if I had an object removed from my baby-maker containing teeth and/or hair, I would probably choke on my own vomit and die. Or just kill myself.

I Still Love You, And The Mutant Inside Your Fallopian Tubes,
A