Dear Selfish Immature Asshole,
You have freakishly long nipples, you are NOT a very good kisser, you black out and sleep with people that are not me, and your eyebrows are kind of weird. Why would I ever go behind my best friend's back to hook up with you? Please stop texting me frowny faces/drunk dialing me every weekend. If you are going to choose to go back to her then leave me out of it.
P.S. You are kind of an idiot.