Dear Deadbeat Landlord,

Ok, let me preface this little lovenote with the following: I AM aware that it's not okay to bounce checks in the real world. I know that. But I still don't like you. You need me to drop off the rent? Well I need you to fix my lock -- I live a block away from the ghetto, in case you didn't notice. I need you to fix my lock and I need you to fix my doorknob. Oh - and the microwave, the windows, and the showerhead. It really sucks that you decide to charge me an extra $125 the day after I purchase a plane ticket to London AND the day after my parents decide to disown me. I know that's not your fault, and I know that I sound like the brattiest little princess ever, but I'm still going to bitch about it. YOU. SUCK.

Phhbttt,
CF