Dear Myspace and Facebook "friends" with babies,

I have quickly tired of your posts demanding that I look at the new pics of your child. If I have posted one obligatory comment about how cute the small person is, Do Not Expect Me To Do It Again. I was just trying to be nice. I became aware that you have a child then I lied and told you how lucky you are/cute it is. Now let me get on with my single no strings life.

In an effort to decode your need for approval, I can only surmise that you are very jealous. I am sure when you hear about my fast paced life filled with men, booze, and mildly illegal activity, you wish that you could partake as well. Well, I made my choice and you made yours. I don't send dong pics asking for you to comment. I would expect the same.

Please feel free to send me any cute clothes that you will never fit into again,
J

PS The above message applies to any friend who wants me to look at pictures of her possible wedding dresses. Nobody cares. We will all be there for the "biggest day" of your life, and I will lie about how pretty/lucky you are on that date. Afterwards, all bets are off.