Dear Irma:

As the provebial "that guy," trust me. If you just ignore it he won't take the hint. Ginormous-crush-boy doesn't wan't to pick up on your hints. You have to be blunt.

We IDLYITW (I-dont-like-you-in-that-way) boys come in different breeds, like puppies. Puppies always try to do what you don't want them to. We don't want to hear "no." (Can ya blame us?) But how hard we push it depends on our breed.

Some puppies, like Irish Setters, are high-strung and take a hint from a raised eyebrow. We're sensitive and touchy and go scampering away and howl in rejection-based self pity for months if you so much as make angry eye-contact. We take direction well. Being rough on a setter is just mean - it's unnecessary.

Then there are those of us like Chesapeake Bay Retrievers. It takes a fucking shock-collar just to get our attention - and then you have to move like lightning to make your point before the opportunity's gone. Miss that opportunity we'll be oblivious again in no time: trying to sit on the couch with you and lick your face all over again. A smack in the chops is necessary because we don't want to hear it and are trying to exhaust you into submission.. The required range of forcefulness lies between "firm" and "restraining order" in these cases. Some consider this to be on account of the breed's "strong personality." Personally, I think it has more to do with being "stubborn" and "slow"

Ginormous-crush-boy is a Chesapeake. Get his attention and just do it. It's necessary and it's not being a bitch. It's actually very straightforward and blunt (which is a very rare trait in bunnies for some reason). If you were to kick a Setter pup who could take a hint, that'd be mean. But this boy ain't sweet and sensitive! He's probably a "just friends" creep. Sack up, hit that shock collar and bad-news him, already!

He won't thank you, but he'll get the picture.

Happy Dog-Whispering,
-T

p.s. If you're desperate to get the message across, try smacking with a rolled up newspaper, blowing a whistle and giving your commands in a "big angry voice." I don't know if this will improve reception, but the image in my head is hilarious.