Dear Guy Who Clearly Has a Ginormous Crush On Me,

This makes me really sad. I have done to my best to subtly clue you in to the fact that not only do I not ever want to go out with you, I really don't even want to be friends with you. When you casually bring up hanging out, or getting some dinner, or whatever, I either change the subject or make a joke about why it would be a bad idea. I practically ignore you when we run into each other in person, and I even told you that I am not into dating right now. And yet you continue to try to flirt with me, which makes me shudder, and now you've gone and actually asked me out. Except you made it sound like it would be just a 'friends hanging out' thing, which puts me in a very bad position. If I say yes, you'll think I have some interest, which I do not. But if I say no, then I look like a huge bitch because then its like I don't even want to be friends with you, which I actually really don't. Its a huge shame that you are so incredibly physically unappealing, and what sucks even more is that you don't even have the personality to pull off such fugliness! I am torn between feeling incredibly guilty about talking so much shit about you, and incredible disgust at the thought of you whacking off to the image I accidentally planted in your head earlier when I told you that I needed to go shower because I didn't want to talk to you any more. God. Sometimes, beauty is such a curse. (Karma, if you're listening, I totally don't mean that--I love being beautiful. Please don't disfigure me)

If I just ignore the fact that you asked me out, will you bring it up again or just let it go?

Irma

P.S. Dear Guys Who are Actually Hot and Fun and not Ugly and Annoying,

Please ask me out now.