Dear Life,

You bitch. This rando fleshy bump on the inside of my wrist is not cool, and that you chose to let me discover in front of curious co-workers and our CTO is seriously fucked. I am now the diseased office freak.

Also, could you please stop sending me dreams about my newly reunited bf and one of his co-worker “friends” getting it on right in front of me? I’m insecure enough as it is, thank you. Early morning dreams that involve my questionable bf and a chubby not-in-a-cute-way asian chick who texts and sends him random pics all the time giggling and having crazy sex in front of me while laughing in my face is downright malicious.

The fact that I’m bangin and she’s chubby and old isn’t keeping these night terrors away,
ST