Dear My Eyeballs,

Stop fucking burning me all the time. I want more sleep just as bad as you do, but this has got to stop. People keep asking me what's wrong or if I spent the last hour smoking weed. Maybe it's the changing of the seasons, or maybe it's just that you wanted to cry and I wouldn't let you until 7th period Macroeconomics today. (Nice timing, by the way, and extra kudos for making me into the most unnattractive slobbering red lump in the history of the world.)

Hopefully your revenge is complete, and I will try to have you closed for more than five hours tonight.

I'll be nicer if you will, asshole-
c