Dear Other Girl's Engagement Ring That I Saw Tonight On My Former IM Crush's Flickr Page,

Well la-de-da. I have two words that will render the sight of you powerless to eviscerate my still-bangin spinstertits: "eight-ball".

Massive quantities of free drugs equal you figuratively getting off me,

xo RG

PS: I'd have gone for something a little less "dainty". (And by "dainty," I mean " small".)

PPS: I would Naomi Campbell the shit out of my man if I found out he was crackberrying spicy hotties like moi barely an hour after he proposed to your vanilla ass. (Hence the demand for a less dainty ring, dummy.)