Dear Next B.F.,

In addition to my extensive list of prerequisites already in place, I've decided to make an amendment as of today due to the attractive couple I saw walking into starbucks.

Article 381: Please be as dedicated to looking like a celebutante couple as I am. This means you wearing aviator sunglasses, tight tees, and gay shoes. I will accompany you with an oversized peasant blouse, giant hobo bag, ballet flats, and equally fabulous sunglasses (to shield our identity from the paparazzi). We will both look slightly grunge in a not-even-trying way in our skinny jeans. Our brooding 20-something faces will top it off with just enough emo to make the public think we're deep.

Also, both of us will stop brushing our hair. We're that in love and angsty.

Hearts & Stars,
A