Dear self,

Why are you so inappropriate? People are starting to judge you.

When a new person asks if you have a boyfriend back home, it’s not okay to snort, “Yeah, but he ran out of batteries.” When someone offers to buy you a drink and asks what you’re having, don’t be a bitch and mutter “Vodka and GHB.” And when you’re at your new job and the weather happens to be unusually warm, don’t declare that there are only two situations when you’re okay with sweating and this CERTAINLY doesn’t qualify.

Shape up,
Eloise