Dear Slacker Co-worker,

I did not appreciate you volunteering yourself to accompany me to a meeting and then failing to correspond when I gave you the information, therefore missing the event in totality. I understand that you're new, but I've tried to impress upon you that with this line of work, we need to be flexible. You not responding to your e-mail all weekend doesn't work for me. If you're going to try to seem like a zealot in front of our boss, at least follow through.

That being said, I thought it was rather transparent of you to call me EIGHT minutes before our scheduled meeting with our boss on Monday morning to apologize for being completely irresponsible. How convenient of you to phone me in the knick of time just so I wouldn't call you out in front of everyone.

Listen slackass, don't play these games with me because I invented them. Far be it from me to judge you for your lack of priorities, but at least stop brown-nosing so hard when you have no sack when its gametime.

And it wouldn't hurt to start kissing up to me now. You can start by telling me how pretty I look and how you wish you could be as good at our job as I am.

Preciate It,
A