Dear Vodka,

I'm nearly speechless right now due to your massive act of betrayal this weekend. We'd been friends for so many years now … I trusted you! Then you decide to stab me in the back at a most crucial time in my life. Not cool.

Did you get me ragingly inebriated at my man-of-interest's party while meeting all of his friends for the first time, out of spite? I realize I've been doting on the gin lately but that's just doesn't excuse kicking me into a state worthy of an inaugural visit to the ER. Very not cool.

Way to almost ruin my fresh relationship with the rare guy in this universe who has managed to maintain my interest beyond the third date.

Never touching you again, you Russian Bastard!
LQ

P.S. The catheter was a key feature in the ER visit you fueled. That's just unforgivable, so don't even try to redeem yourself … ever.