Dear Black Knee-Length Dress and Killer Tan Knee-High Boots:

First, you guys are the most attractive couple EVER. Jesus, you make Posh and Becks look frumpy and overfed. However, and MORE IMPORTANTLY, you make it impossible for anyone to tell I haven't shaved my legs since...well, since the last time I thought I might get laid (let's just pretend that was kinda recently, shall we?).

Totally head over my high heels in love,

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