Dear Festive Evening of Tree Decorating and Menorah Un-boxing and Eggnogging and Hot Buttered Rumming, aka Tonight:

I can't even wait for you to hurry up and get here. We are SO gonna decorate the hell outta that tree and drink the shit outta some rum. We are gonna get our serious cheese, fruit, cold cut, Chipotle, venison grub on and it will be awesome. Jeff the Jew and I are going to open our new, kiddie thermoses and put our warm or cold drinks in them and THE DRINKS WILL STAY WARM OR COLD. We will get drunk and sing Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel and Have a Holly Jolly Christmas and possibly accidentally eat the popcorn tinsel.

You are truly the embodiment of the holidays: food, drink, friends, and festivities. Oh, and thermoses, of course. Doy.

Get your Chrismakwanzikuh on,

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