Dear Coworker Who It Turns Out Probably Doesn't Like Me All That Much,
I am just a big dumb animal. Please do not literally tell me you love me and then have a phone conversation right in front of me in which you discuss whether or not you are pregnant and say things like "when am I going to see you again." To a person who is not me. I would rather you kicked a sack of puppies down a flight of stairs. I am not smart or clever enough to avoid getting my feelings hurt in that situation. Now I have a shit-ton of work to do and your bitch-ass on my mind all day.
I am a stupid idiot please treat me accordingly,