Dear Ex Boyfriend,

I am so happy I broke up with you. Half because you really really suck and that is becoming more and more apparent every single day. But half because I genuinely hated your friends and I think of the whole 9 months we were together only had fun once with them, and that's because I spent the whole night in a corner receiving pictures of my ex before you's dong in an attempt for me to leave that party and go hook up with him. (He was bigger, and better than you) So it makes me happy every single time you come to town (since you graduated TWO YEARS AGO but still come back to visit all the time...GET OVER IT), because I remember those days when we then had to go hang out with your friends and I always had a miserable time. And I'm gleeful that I will spend the whole weekend doing whatever the fuck I want (including ex ex boyfriend's huge peen) instead of miserably watching your lame friends play guitar hero.

Visit anytime,
Homegirl.