Dear Foreign Grad Student who does not take a hint,

I don't want you, or your MBA, or anymore of your "High-Fives!" If we ever get drunk and make out it will be simply because I had too much jager and you are a better alternative than any of my ex-boyfriends which I will eventually end up with anyways. I also can't think of you sexually when I'm sober because I believe in the myth about what the size of guys' shoes mean and I dated a guy who was also 6'6" with small feet and he had a small peen. Nuf' said.

But, if I ever see you while I am working at the bar I still expect a big tip.

Love,
km